Criticature: "Scream 4" (2011)

With the exception of a couple admittedly well-thought-out little twinkles, this self-aware reboot of a decade-old franchise is like that guy you'll sometimes see in a bar or a nightclub. The one wearing the gold chain necklace and has just a tuft of chest hair strategically exposed. The one leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette or playing with a poker chip...

Thoughts: Don't be Afraid to Laugh

Do you remember that episode of “Doug” where everyone in Yancey’s class gets all hyped up to see that scary movie? And as it happens our eponymous hero gets all woebegone because he thinks he’s the only person who closed his eyes in a sweat-induced flight-or-fight moment when it came to the “big reveal” of the monster lurking in the shadows?

Well, that dynamic pretty much sums up my history with horror movies.

I used to hate them. I hated anything that was even remotely frightening. I used to actually run out of the room every time the face-melt scene from “Raiders of the Lost Ark” happened. I even had this ritualistic prayer I’d whisper to myself every time I went to bed to ward off the nightmares that would inevitably accrue after viewing something particularly unsettling.