WTF?

WTF indeed! We stand for Films, Tunes, and Whatever else we feel like (not necessarily in order!) Professor Nonsense heads the 'Whatever' department, posting ramblings ranging from the decrepit, to the offbeat, to the just plain absurd! The mysterious Randor takes helm of the 'Tunes' front, detailing the various melodic messages he gets in earfuls. Weekly recommendations and various musings follow his shadows. Finally, our veteran movie critic, Lt Archie Hicox, commands the 'Film' battlefield, giving war-weathered reviews on flicks the way he sees them. Through the eyes of a well-versed renegade, he stands down for no man! Together we are (W)hatever(T)unes(F)ilms!

Feel free to comment with your ideas, qualms, and responses, or e-mail them to RandorWTF@Hotmail.com!

Oct 27, 2011

Guest Blog: 100/100 by Djandor

Hello, everyone. My name is Jacqui, and I am a musician and sibling to Randor. My boyfriend calls me ‘Djandor’, so we’ll go with that. Why not.


This may be a little longer than some of the broski’s posts, but it’s cuz I have a serious complaint. In honor of WTF’s 100th music post, I will guest blog about TIME Magazine’s 100 Best Songs of All Time that they put out on October 24th.

I wish you could have heard my sigh.

Originally I was going to go through it and replace all of the songs I thought should be replaced, then replace the musicians with musicians I would have put in instead. I realized before I even started this task that that would be ridiculously impossible because I disagree with a majority of their list.

I don’t know which hipster they asked to write this, but it was NOT someone who actually knew (good) music (okay it looks like it was a staff-contributed thing). To be fair, Rolling Stone’s list already came out, and it is way better (even some of THOSE songs I disagree with), and maybe they just wanted to be different… Here is a link to Rolling Stone’s list

The only song from the 2010s on TIME’s list is a song and artist I’ve never even heard of. Probably because I don’t listen to a lot of popular music these days because a lot of it is sincerely crap. Okay so I just YouTubed it… yeah, awful. I mean not awful, she’s a good dancer and whatever, but… not so much top 100 songs of ALL TIME material. I mean, I would have picked Amy Winehouse over Janelle Monae any day of the week. Songs also on the list that I have complete disagreements with include (but are not limited to): Jay-Z’s 99 Problems, Kanye West’s Gold Digger, Richard Thompson’s Black Lightning, Bruce Springsteen’s Thunder Road, I GOT RHYTHM (the most annoying jazz standard of all time)… I mean with names like this I’m surprised we don’t find Justin Bieber and Jimmy Buffet on here.

Just so you know, there are definitely some songs on here I totally agree with. For example, Dolly Parton’s Jolene is a mournful tune about lost love, and heck we all like some good old-style country, amiright? Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody is a given, obviously. That whole album is on my desert island top 5. I can’t even believe Funkadelic and Mahalia Jackson made it on here, but yes, they should totally be on here. The Beach Boys’ God Only Knows is easily one of my favorites (topped only by Surfer Girl, my absolute favorite guilty pleasure song of all time). Lena Horne’s Stormy Weather? Delightful. Louis Armstrong’s Stardust is very in the time, for sure, though I probably would have picked a different tune for him… That’s a hard one since he did so much for music (well, another blog for another day). ANYWAY.

Without further ado (and after the break), I pick apart the list vaguely but definitely, by taking artists I agree should be on the list but making suggestions as to which songs I would have chosen instead (TIME, are you listening?!). For the full list, see the very bottom of this blog entry or go to the source itself



DISPUTED SONG: Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance
WHY: Look, I understand Lady Gaga fever. She totally sold out because she wanted to be famous, and man is she doing a good job. People freaking love her. She was the first Twitter star. Her songs are catchy enough, I guess, and both her voice and style are unique enough to warrant her fame. But have you seen this video?


This girl can actually play, and understands music.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: Here’s the thing, right now? Nothing. But I won’t remove Lady Gaga from this list yet. Her best work is yet to come. When she has made her billions off of this popular music stuff, she’ll settle into her Hollywood Hills Mansion and start actually writing good music. And when THAT comes out, this list will be ready for her.


DISPUTED SONG: Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit
WHY: Yes, SLTS is their most famous song, but that does not in any means make it their best. It’s their easiest to play on guitar, which is why every 14-year old in Seattle thinks they are the next big deal when they learn it in their garage while sneaking their dad’s PBR from the fridge. And maybe it’s their most popular because it was a dreary Seattle teenager’s anthem, or maybe it’s the most popular because that’s what was being advertised at the time.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: All Apologies or In Bloom. All Apologies has such an amazing guitar riff. Rather simple, but melodic, and the lyrics are hilarious and deep. It is so much the Kurt we all love, even with the more mellow tone to the song. I mean, listen to this:


In Bloom has such a beautiful melody in the chorus, and Dave Grohl’s drumming is divine. The verses simmer on low, and when it amps back up it just feels so dang good. Don’t take my word for it, listen for yourself:



DISPUTED SONG: Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean
WHY: Don’t get me wrong, Billie Jean is a fine song. But, again, we’re talking top 100 songs, and if you’re only going to pick ONE Michael Jackson song (though they do put a Jackson 5 song on the list), I’m just not sure I would pick this one.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: Thriller. I know it seems like the obvious choice, but sometimes the obvious choice is just the best. Think about what Thriller did for music videos. Do you understand that Michael Jackson had to actually go against his religion to make this (that’s why there is that disclaimer at the beginning)? This song is still a classic. Listen to that bass line. Everybody knows the dance. Come on, out of all his songs, this is the one for a Top list. (Haven’t seen the video? Here it is:)



DISPUTED SONG: Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song
WHY: Immigrant song is really REALLY fun to sing in the car, I will give the list-writers that. But compared to some of their other beauties, they could have done better. I mean D’yer Mak’er is really fun to sing in the car, too. And every guitar player ever knows Stairway to Heaven… but…
WOULD REPLACE WITH: Hands down, Rain Song. This song is so beautifully composed, and I love that the form doesn’t follow standard pop song forms. The band sounds so full after a long dramatic buildup, and the two chromatic dominant chords really outline the tone of the whole song. Jimmy Page = genius.



DISPUTED SONG: Joni Mitchell’s A Case of You
WHY: This is just another instance of ‘just a different song would be better’. Though I do appreciate the tone of this, and the sweet guitar accompaniment is sparse to emphasize her voice. I don’t know, maybe I’m just biased against Canada. Just kidding, kind of.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: Both Sides Now. I know it’s definitely hard to knock Joni down to one song, but this song is so powerful. Her lyrics are so haunting, a dark look back on life. And this is one of her melodies that really move me. Take a listen for yourself:



DISPUTED SONG: Stevie Wonder’s Superstition
WHY: This song was played on Sesame Street. So was that John Mayer song. I’m not saying Superstition is a bad song (hint, hint, John Mayer), but we could do better.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: There’s a couple we could go with here. If we HAVE to do popular classic songs, I would have chosen Isn’t She Lovely over Superstition. Definitely. All in Love is Fair is amazing, I mean just wonderful:


Village Ghetto Land was the original Gangsta’s Paradise, but tasteful, if you know what I mean.


Stevie was a classy dude, you have to give him that.


DISPUTED SONG: Bob Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues
WHY: Yes, the video is cute. Yes, the song is catchy in that Dylan way. I don’t know, maybe Weird Al ruined this one for me.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: Since Dylan is really known more for his storytelling and protest songs than his, erm, singing… I think it’s important to choose a song that does both of those things. This is why I choose The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan, off of his second album:


It’s an upbeat tune about WWIII, you know the nuclear war everyone was fearing at the time. The imagery is vivid and upsetting. I think it’s right up there with the best of them.


DISPUTED SONG: The Beatles’ I Wanna Hold Your Hand
WHY: This actually infuriates me a little bit. This one? Out of all of the Beatles songs? Really, Time? I know that at the time this song was a big deal, in fact I do believe it is credited for starting Beatlemania. That’s a big deal, sure. And the song was racy, too, parents hated it (imagine those people’s reactions to 99 Problems!....), but that doesn’t make it the best. I mean, there are SO MANY BEATLES SONGS TO CHOOSE FROM.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: Something from their later career, obviously, not that their early stuff was bad… just their later stuff was so much more musical. I am a huge Beatle freak, so I can’t pick just one. So I won’t. Here are five, in no particular order, that would have been better choices any day of the week:
Because
I Want You/She's So Heavy
Happiness is a Warm Gun


Something


Revolution



DISPUTED SONG: Elvis Presley’s Jailhouse Rock
WHY: This is an issue near and dear to my heart. I love me some Elvis. I seriously took a weekend trip up to Memphis one time just to visit him… BY MYSELF. Elvis was a gospel singer, and though he is technically the King of Rock n’ Roll, he really became famous for his beautiful voice. And terrible dancing. But that’s neither here nor there.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: Love Me Tender or Can’t Help Falling in Love. These songs showcase Elvis’ smooth pipes, and they are about love, which was a big part of his career. He was always falling in love, whether it be with international beauties, ridiculously famous pop stars, or just on the silver screen (try every movie he ever starred in). Can’t Help Falling in Love is very overdone, but there’s always a reason for a song to get covered again and again and again (and here it is). And Love Me Tender? Well, treat your ears, my friends, because if you haven’t listened to it in a while, it’s about time:



DISPUTED SONG: Johnny Cash’s Folsom Prison Blues
WHY: It definitely encompasses the “Cash” vibe, but there’s so much we’re missing by choosing this song. Johnny was a very creative man. And we’re also leaving out Ms. June! Scandalous, I say.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: Jackson, Walk the Line, Daddy Sang Bass, Ring of Fire or Man in Black. See? Why that one?! I guess if I had to chose JUST ONE, it would be this one:

...because it’s very musical with the key changes (even though it’s inherently simple, which isn’t always bad), and it shows JC’s depth of range. Also, because it’s a love song, and I love love songs. I love it a lot.


DISPUTED SONG: Ella Fitzgerald’s Baby It’s Cold Outside
WHY: First of all, she didn’t sing it alone. Second, she didn’t write it or improvise on it. Why is Ella such a big deal? Because she was the first REAL jazz singer. The woman basically invented scat. Also, she was perfect. Almost.  You know we’re all human I guess.
WOULD REPLACE WITH: Are you kidding? The penultimate showcase of Ella’s flexibility and musical understanding is all right here in this recording: How High the Moon.

This comes after she totally screws up Mack the Knife on stage (and then improvises her way out of it like nobody else could) and knows she has to finish grand… and boy does she ever. I transcribed this solo once… it is a killer! I have no words for this, really. Just watch it. And then watch it again. And then tell me that “Baby It’s Cold Outside” even holds a CANDLE to this. Because it does not.



This is by no means the end of my problems with TIME’s ‘best’ 100 songs of ‘all time’ list (just writing that makes me want to gag a little bit), but I think Randor will kill me if I write more. I could seriously go on. I even deleted five songs, you’re welcome.

Don’t agree with me? Let me know in the comments. The broski will pass them on, I’m sure.

Thanks for listening to my long-winded rant.

Until next time--------
Djandor



2010s
  • Janelle Monae: Tightrope
2000s
  • Missy Elliott: Get Ur Freak On
  • Outkast: Hey Ya!
  • Jay-Z: 99 Problems
  • Arcade Fire: Wake Up
  • Kanye West: Gold Digger
  • Lil Wayne: Georgia...Bush
  • LCD Soundsystem: All My Friends
  • Beyonce: Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)
  • Lady Gaga: Bad Romance
1990s
  • Sinead O'Connor: Nothing Compares 2 U
  • Pet Shop Boys: Being Boring
  • Nirvana: Smells Like Teen Spirit
  • Richard Thompson: 1952 Vincent Black Lightning
  • Wu-Tang Clan: C.R.E.A.M.
  • A Tribe Called Quest: Scenario
  • The Notorious B.I.G.: Juicy
  • 2Pac: California Love
  • Pulp: Common People
  • Radiohead: Paranoid Android
  • Lucinda Williams: Pineola
1980s
  • Joy Division: Love Will Tear Us Apart
  • George Jones: He Stopped Loving Her Today
  • Michael Jackson: Billie Jean
  • New Order: Blue Monday
  • Prince: Kiss
  • Metallica: Master of Puppets
  • R.E.M.: It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
  • Public Enemy: Fight the Power
  • Madonna: Borderline
1970s
  • The Melodians: Rivers of Babylon
  • James Brown: Get Up (I Feel Like Being a) Sex Machine
  • Led Zeppelin: Immigrant Song
  • Black Sabbath: Iron Man
  • Joni Mitchell: A Case of You
  • The Who: Baba O'Riley
  • Stevie Wonder: Superstition
  • Dolly Parton: Jolene
  • Big Star: September Gurls
  • Bonnie Raitt: Angel from Montgomery
  • Fela Kuti: Zombie
  • Bruce Springsteen: Thunder Road
  • Queen: Bohemian Rhapsody
  • Donna Summer: I Feel Love
  • The Bee Gees: Stayin' Alive
  • David Bowie: Heroes
  • The Ramones: I Wanna Be Sedated
  • Fleetwood Mac: Dreams
  • Peter Tosh: Equal Rights
  • Funkadelic: One Nation Under a Groove
  • The Velvet Underground: Rock & Roll
  • Loretta Lynn: Coal Miner's Daughter
1960s
  • Bob Dylan: Subterranean Homesick Blues
  • Patsy Cline: Crazy
  • Roy Orbison: Crying
  • The Ronettes: Be My Baby
  • The Beatles: I Want to Hold Your Hand
  • Stan Getz and Joao Gilberto: The Girl from Ipanema
  • The Supremes: Where Did Our Love Go?
  • The Beach Boys: God Only Knows
  • Aretha Franklin: I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You)
  • Marvin Gaye: I Heard It Through the Grapevine
  • The Band: The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down
  • Big Mama Thornton: Ball N' Chain
  • The Jackson Five: I Want You Back
  • The Rolling Stones: Gimme Shelter
  • Crosby, Stills and Nash: Suite: Judy Blue Eyes
  • Otis Redding: I've Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now)
1950s
  • Johnny Cash: Folsom Prison Blues
  • Les Paul: How High the Moon
  • Kitty Wells: It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels
  • Elvis Presley: Jailhouse Rock
  • Odetta Holmes: Take This Hammer
  • Little Richard: Tutti Frutti
  • Frank Sinatra: I've Got You Under My Skin
  • Buddy Holly: That'll Be the Day
  • Chuck Berry: Johnny B. Goode
  • Ray Charles: What'd I Say
1940s
  • Woody Guthrie: This Land Is Your Land
  • Lena Horne: Stormy Weather
  • The Andrews Sisters: Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy
  • Spike Jones: Der Fuehrer's Face
  • Bing Crosby: White Christmas
  • Betty Hutton: It Had to Be You
  • Mahalia Jackson: Move On Up a Little Higher
  • Hank Williams: Cold, Cold Heart
  • Ella Fitzgerald: Baby It's Cold Outside
  • Doris Day: Sentimental Journey
1930s
  • Ethel Merman: I Got Rhythm
  • Cab Calloway: Minnie the Moocher
  • Duke Ellington: It Don't Mean a Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing)
  • Louis Armstrong: Star Dust
  • Fred Astaire: Cheek to Cheek
  • Ray Heatherton: Where or When
  • Judy Garland: Over the Rainbow
  • Billie Holiday: Strange Fruit
1920s
  • Al Jolson: My Mammy
  • Bessie Smith: St. Louis Blues
  • Paul Robeson: Ol' Man River
  • The Carter Family: Wildwood Flower

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