Where I’ve been.

I’m going to be honest with you. That title you just read? Kind of a misnomer because I haven’t really been anywhere. The distance I’ve travelled in hovel-to-hovel terms is actually quite negligible considering how far some of my friends have travelled in the same amount of time I’ve spent at college. That said, I apologize for my absence.

For those of you who were not present at my fall graduation ceremony I can assure you it was nothing for the ages. In fact I was actually a little disappointed with the end result. Hell, I didn’t even get my diploma until five weeks after I’d moved back down to the Seattle area and even then I only got one lousy diploma for all my efforts (what with the double-major and all).

I was kind of pissed. Lonely and pissed. Which I guess is about 90% of us who now live far from our friends and even farther from retirement. For those of you readers who are either still in school or have had a job long enough to have forgotten what it feels like to be living post-grad, I’ll say this: it sucks. Not too hard. Just a little. But when something sucks it just sucks. Plain and simple.

I finally have to cook (healthy food) for myself regularly, I’ve been trying to force myself into an exercise regimen and my feet and hands are all vein-embossed from keeping my thermostat down to a lean 50 degrees every night.

And lo my view of Elliott Bay is staggering and my fellow tenants are all quiet, lovely elders of the Oriental persuasion, I felt the first extreme pangs of solitude after just the first few days in my new station. The transition had caught up to me and I felt lost without the drudgery of class to occupy my days. Think Stockholm Syndrome except instead of Hans Gruber you have these vague longings to doze in public while stuffed in an uncomfortable chair.

Job-hunting has given me a little bit of a skeleton to work from. I also finally have time to actually read Plato and Goethe, so now I don’t have to pretend to have read them when I have company. I’ve gotten back in touch with my family again too. And what time I do not spend with the fantastic friends I’m so fortunate to have I spend toiling away at the keyboard where I now sit, hoping, dreaming and scheming away at the newest draft of my ever-evolving script (don’t worry, it’s almost there!).

But something still seemed to be missing. Some vital structure that had yet to bare itself to this new world I now inhabit.

I was thirsty for denouement. Hungry for some greater light bulb in the sky to go ‘click’. And though nothing of that magnitude has yet occurred something else did happen.

Now, for those of you who thought this blog was dead, I’m not going to tell you that you were wrong because you were absolutely right.

With the holidays, a job hunt, parental pressure from all angles, a minimal readership, a busy-as-fuck Academy attendee (I won’t say which one) and a music-phile who simply lost his groove, I was about ready to toss in the towel as well. It has been roughly a year since we began this venture and it felt stale, unloved and wounded save for a few dedicated followers.

Needless to say, my ego had been bruised considerably. So had my colleagues’. But as the time between the death rattle and the present moment expanded, I began to find myself sinking lower. Even lower than I thought was possible.

I couldn’t figure it out. What was wrong?

Then I realized what I’d been missing. You. Each and every one of you readers, real or imaginary. I understand that I might be writing to empty space at the moment but for now I really don’t care. My fingers missed the tactile exercise of working toward an ultimate purpose. Whether anyone was listening or reading wasn’t the point. It wasn’t ever the point. A gap had widened in my soul and I couldn’t help but feel remiss about abandoning a project to which I had set my sights.

So, for reasons part selfish and part altruistic and part insanity, I’m returning to WTF to explore the beauty and ugliness of cinema once again. I hope you’ll tag along for the ride.

—AA