"Planet Texas" by Kenny Rogers from the album Something Inside So Strong. 1989.
Speaking of corny country music... Who hasn't made fun of "The Gambler"? The Mr. Rogers of Country has a Wisconsin-sized slough of cheese-laced hits though, and I'd sooner pick something like "Lucille" or "Coward of the County" to knock on. Heck, even the Dolly Parton duet "Islands in the Stream" floats atop the fondue flood, and only the semi-tribute "Ghetto Supatar" could hope to match Witz crackers and cheese with it. ...That is, until you hear "Planet Texas", which takes the cheesecake. I don't think you can even technically call this a country song! Ignore the creepy headshot album cover, and imagine all the maize produced in the U.S. Midwest. Now squish it all into the world's largest cornball. If you've never traversed the corn-producing states, I can assure you: that would be one massive ball of corn. It's only fitting, though, for if the Moon is made of cheese, Planet Texas must be made of corn.
I have a fondness for songs that spell a plot with its verses upon a timeline. Storytelling almost becomes a challenge when breaking the five-minute-length barrier approaches the border of undesirable "long songs", but think about the multi-hour commitment of a movie or (heaven forbid!) day-consuming novel. Not to mention throwing melodies and instrumentation and maybe even music theory into the mix. Even though the tale is ridiculous and fantastical to a fault, "Planet Texas" still boasts a bookended start and finish to the weirdness. Not taking itself seriously sure helps too. Interstellar cowboys abduct a south-westerner for seemingly nothing more than a ride around the galaxy. There's really not much else to this fun face-palm. While the jokes and humor may deserve some eye rolls, there is a level of creativity with some of the lyrics mashing the childhood interest groups "space" and "cowboy" in a way Steve Miller never intended (the real "Space Cowboy", you Joker). Lines like "bandanas caked with stardust" and "their jeans was pressurized" earn a chuckle or two. Ending a sentence with "'X' is" kind of leaves your next rhyme in an obvious place, however- especially in a song titled, oh iduno... "Planet TEXAS"...!
Nonetheless, I'm glad to see Rogers playing around a bit. He sits on an odd line between Adult Contemporary and Country. The general sound of many tunes, especially the big hits, flow gently and smoothly for an ambiance of "Easy Listening", but upon listening to the lyrics you may discover some heartbreak (a la "Lucille") or just heart-wretch (in tunes like "She Believes in Me" or "Lady"). There's certainly nothing wrong with the style, especially since he's so comfortable and believable in the role. I mean, "She Believes in Me"... C'mon, that's some good stuff right there, even if 80s era country makes your skin crawl like a spelunking baby. But exploring realms outside your style always makes for an interesting experiment. And a lame-duck song from a sci-fi-embracing Country artist is better than releasing, say, basically the same song decade after decade! Not to discredit AC/DC, but man, 30+ years is a much longer way to the top than rock 'n' roll even wants! At least it involves bagpipes.
Next week we'll move off of the novelty side of Country, and maybe even post on time! Plus, I'll really try to hammer out those seven posts missing commentary, as I see some views still popping up on 'em.
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